West of Loathing Wiki
Logcabin burned.png
The Stearns Ranch
East of the Mountains
Unlocked by

The Stearns Ranch is a location in West of Loathing.

The outside area includes some bones that can be dug up, an outhouse, and access to either the main floor of the burned down house or the cellar.

In the main floor of the house you can find a talking doll in the toybox. It gives you the password needed to get through the cow-door in the cellar.

The cellar contains a safe (requires level 1 of Safecrackin').





Bad Guys[]

Bad guys
the ghost of Mary Stearns
XP (kill)
20 - 22
XP (give)
Outhouse burned.png This fight counts as a cow fight with value 1
Bad guys
a pyrobove
XP (kill)
10 - 11
toilet pistol
  • The outhouse holds a pyrobove.
  • You may encounter the ghost of Mary Stearns by her grave if you have gotten her picture from the charred locket from Jethro's bones.
    • Giving her the picture avoids the fight, but also reduces the XP reward.


  • Talking to the doll requires 5 Mysticality.
  • The doll requests you play with her, which apparently requires getting her the goblet of blood in the cellar altar room. For this she provides you with the password, peanut butter.
  • You can attempt to destroy the goblet (requires 5 Muscle, but rewards 50 XP), or take it.
  • Pouring the blood from the goblet into the doll does not remove the goblet from your inventory, but does result in the doll running away.
  • Reading her diary, and talking to her ghost, implies that either the evil doll or Mary herself was killing her family members in order to get blood for the "tea party."