West of Loathing Wiki
Kellogg main.png
Kellogg Ranch
West of the Mountains
Unlocked by

The Kellogg Ranch is a southern location west of the mountains. It's directly west of Roy Bean's House. Outside are a few cacti, 2 Hagar's Agave, the Main Building, Exercise Hall, and a Barn.

At the ranch you can acquire the Kellogg-Brand Purity perk by following Kellogg's full regimen. This perk can take away the Cowrruption perk. It is recommended you do this before the end of the game, as Cowrruption affects the ending.

Main Building[]

The main building consists of an outer room, the office, kitchen, and dormitory.

Outer Room[]

Inside the outer room you can find the Kellogg Ranch keyring by prying up a loose board on the floor. This opens all the doors on the ranch, including the lockers in the dormitory (requires a crowbar).

  • You can also weigh yourself on the scales. The amount reported is randomized, as are the units in which it reports.


The kitchen includes an sifter, dough press and oven. Using them in that order will allow you create Kellogg Grain Flakes by following Kellogg's Grain Flakes recipe.

  • The "combination grain sifter / flour mill / who-knows-what" can be filled with the bag of mixed grain from the barn. Doing so stocks the 3 hoppers with oats, barley, and spelt.
  • Each use of a lever drops 1oz of the corresponding grain into the mixing chamber.
  • Turning the crank with a combination of 1oz of oats, 4oz of barley, and 3oz of spelt gives you a giant glob of multi-grain dough.
    • Any other combination fails to produce dough, and you may use the levers again, or turn the "start over" crank to empty the mixing chamber.
Dough press
  • After inserting the multi-grain dough you are presented with a pressure indicator, initially indicating 80 PSI, and 4 colored buttons, the first 3 of which control the pressure:
    • The green button resets the pressure to 80 PSI.
    • The red button increases pressure by 5 PSI.
    • The blue button increases pressure by 1 PSI.
    • Setting the pressure greater than 181 PSI will cause your dough to explode. You are beaten up and wake up in your bed a day later, although you also gain the "Under Pressure" achievement.
  • The yellow button begins the dough pressing procedure.
    • A pressure of 91 PSI (red-red-blue) successfully converts your multi-grain dough into flattened multi-grain dough.
    • Pressure too low fails, but lets you take back your dough and try again.
    • Pressure too high destroys your dough. Start again from scratch.
  • Your giant glob of dough will need to first become a flattened multi-grain dough in order to fit it into the oven.
  • With dough in place, you can first set the temperature, choosing between low (413 degrees), medium (640 degrees), or high (988 degrees).
  • The timer can be set for short (8 minutes), medium (19 minutes), or long (160 minutes).
    • If you set it to medium (640 degrees), for a short duration (8 minutes) you produce a perfectly-cooked tray of toasty Kellogg Grain Flakes.
    • A temperature of low (413 degrees) and a short duration will result in your dough being uncooked. You can take it back and try again. Any other setting results in the dough being incinerated, requiring you make new dough.


The office contains a desk, an anatomy chart, an animal skeleton, and the ghost of Kellogg.

Kellogg's desk
  • Kellogg's ghost will complain if you search the desk, but does nothing about it.
  • A drawer contains a document, which with a mysticality of at least 20, you can decode into the Kellogg's Grain Flakes recipe.
  • With a moxie of at least 20, investigating the desk will reveal a secret button that opens the lounge.
Kellogg's ghost
  • You can talk to the ghost. He is happy to reveal his 3-stage process for body purification.
Anatomy chart
Animal skeleton


Opening the secret door in the office reveals Kellogg's secret lounge room. Kellogg, it seems, was rather dull, and the room contains nothing but a chair and a poster, neither of which have any interesting interaction.


This room contains 6 beds and a corresponding number of lockers.

  • The rear, leftmost cot has a skeleton wearing metal pants. Take the chastity pants, as an essential part of the Purity of Glands ritual.
  • One of the beds reveals a fragment of a diary note, "-upposed to achieve Purity of Glands, but I can't stand sleeping in those metal pants. They're so noisy, especially when I -"
  • Skeleton bones (4) may be found in one of the beds.

The lockers are more lucrative. Each, however, is locked, requiring either the Kellogg Ranch keyring, or a Lockpickin' Expertise 3 and a needle.


Merely entering the barn grants you the Unlimited Grain perk. Inside the barn you can find the following:

Exercise Hall (Gymnasium)[]

The gymnasium includes 3 machines where you can workout, ideally following the Kellogg Ranch workout regimen. Not following the correct sequence will result in various forms of failure in using the machines, none of which are permanent, but will require you leave the building and re-enter in order to reset the sequence and try again. The 8-step, correct sequence for the Purity of Muscles part of the regimen is:

  1. Stretchmaster 4000
  2. LungFlex
  3. LungFlex
  4. Stretchmaster 4000
  5. Vibromatic Skeletal Agitator
  6. Vibromatic Skeletal Agitator
  7. Vibromatic Skeletal Agitator
  8. Stretchmaster 4000


To follow the Kellogg workout regimen:


Mad Libs[]

Measurement units are chosen from the following list (both for height and weight):

Bucket Results
  • black
  • centimeters
  • cubits
  • decagrams
  • drams
  • fathoms
  • feet
  • grams
  • hands
  • horses
  • Imperial [MEASURE]
  • inches
  • kilograms
  • lignes
  • meters
  • Metric [MEASURE]
  • millimeters
  • Newtons
  • ounces
  • parasangs
  • pounces
  • pounds
  • rods
  • schoenus
  • stades
  • yards