The performers you sent to Dirtwater formed the greatest band in the history of music. The perfect union of percussion, strings, and technology, they immediately secured their place in the cultural history of Loathing. Their songs were innovative, their stage presence was spectacular, and the liner notes on their albums were extremely clever and interesting. They called themselves...The Aristocrats
- Wasco Shafter, bandleader and banjo player. To obtain him as a band member, listen to his jokes and at every opportunity, convince him that he is bad at his job. Eventually, he'll go to Dirtwater.
- Fort of Darkness chef, jaw harp. Give her the jaw harp found on the skeleton of the bartender at Cavern Canyon.
- The Buttery Biscuit dishwasher, washboard guy. Investigate him in the Buttery Biscuit (Breadwood), pay what he owes to the bartender (150 meat) and he'll go to Dirtwater.
- Guitar man from Fort Memoriam (oddly, he seems to take off his hat after arriving.) Talk to him at Fort Memoriam.
- El Vibrato booping thing. Power up Curious Abandoned Well, go to Auditory Nuisance Containment, then press two specific numbers to teleport him to Dirtwater.
- At least two players are necessary for the band to form.
- The name (and brief description) given to the band depends on the player/instrument composition, as listed in the following table:
Washboard Guitar Banjo Jaw Harp Booper Resulting band name Yes Yes The Resonance Cascade Yes Yes The Possibility Titans Yes Yes The Stringers Yes Yes Yes The Future Sound of Kentucky Yes Yes Plunk 'n' Boop Yes Yes Siouxsie and the Banjo Yes Yes Yes Lebanese Golf Cart Yes Yes The Pluckers Yes Yes Yes The Hot Lips Band Yes Yes Yes The Onion Motel Yes Yes Yes Yes Wasco's Explosion Yes Yes The Automatic Laundry Yes Yes Washco Yes Yes Yes This Machine Kills Hillbillies Yes Yes Cornpone Holiday Yes Yes Yes Mortuary Dairy Yes Yes Yes Wasco and Sons Yes Yes Yes Yes The Pony Express Yes Yes Washmouth Yes Yes Yes The Beeples Yes Yes Yes Wasco's Texas Rascals Yes Yes Yes Yes Wasco's Electric Trashcan Yes Yes Yes Bread Zeppelin Yes Yes Yes Yes Pear Life Yes Yes Yes Yes Wasco and the Pufferfish Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes The Aristocrats