Fort Unnecessary

Fort Unnecessary offers a quest line to have you train/help a group of misfit soldiers via different methods, all to the pleasure of their supervising officer, Captain Harriet Davenport.

The Watchtower

 * A watcher is accessible as you enter the fort. With disposable binoculars, you can here discover a randomly chosen location from the list:
 * Abandoned Mine
 * Last Custard Stand

Errands
The supervising officer asks you to help out with her misfit team:
 * You have a scout, Private Blindman, that is nearsighted, who can be helped with a pair of disposable binoculars ( XP), or you can buy a pair of very thick spectacles from the Jeweler's Cabin ( XP).
 * Private Cooker, who is more lumberjack than chef, who can be helped through metaphor:
 * The toast is like shoes, and the corned-beef is like the Shinola. or help him work it out with 45 Mysticality ( XP).
 * Private Bowtie, an assistant that can't tie a bow, can be helped with a clip-on bow tie or with 45 Moxie ( XP).
 * Private Bowlegs, a cavalry soldier who is so bow-legged he can't ride a horse, who can be helped by buying a mule at Alamo Rent-A-Mule for 1500 meat (and giving him the contract, or you can fix him with 45 Muscle ( XP).
 * And lastly you have Private Tillery, a cannoneer who can't figure out how to fire one the right way. He can be helped with the book, Cannon Loading for Idjits or with 45 Mysticality ( XP)
 * Once you solve everybody else's problems, you can speak to Captain Davenport again to receive 300 XP.

Items

 * A medal of adequacy can be retrieved from General Whatshisname's desk in the Administration building.

Bad Guys

 * The gun storage shed is crammed full of goblins. If you do not have Gary as a pardner, you can fight them, with the number of goblins increasing by 1 every time you do, up until 9 goblins.  However, the amount of experience you gain will keep increasing.
 * The kind of goblin, and their starting positions on the combat grid are chosen randomly.

Portal

 * If you possess the key-Shaped El Vibrato device there will be a time window almost on top of your character's starting location. Looking through it will describe a scene where in cars are driving by really fast and every 15 seconds a man swears as a rectangular 6"x3" object falls by your view.
 * Collecting the object gives you a strange glass rectangle that raises Moxie.